Extracts from Gilderoy Lockharts own Collection
by Alastor Mad-Eye Moody
Summary: Extracts from the Books Gilderoy Lockhart may have written at one point....From Hippogriffs to Fairies.
1. Hippogriffs

**An Extract from "Hopping with Hippogriffs." by Gilderoy Lockhart**

**Summary:** The 1st of a collection of Lockhart book extracts I've written, this one being about Hippogriffs, and how to tame them.

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An Extract from "Hopping with hippogriffs:"

I was sitting on a rock one day thinking of all my hard days work and how worth it, it all was to bring the joy of my knowledge and good looks to all those through my published works (for full list see the front cover) When all of a sudden and for no reason at all, a herd of rather aggressive and angry hippogriffs, came flying over head, snapping there fierce beaks and ruffling there feathers indignantly.

When all of a sudden they came to land right in front of me! Can you imagine the sheer danger and mortal peril my handsome self was in. Of course I had no choice! I stood up and flashed a brilliant smile at the creatures! the light flashing from my brilliant white teeth however must have startled the poor beasts, and they started to buck wildly... I found myself with no choice... I had to bow ...or die!

I stood for a moment...unblinking!!! as not many know...they don't like it when you blink to much and then I bowed low, almost painfully low! never once loosing eye contact with the leader of the was a long awkward silence where if I were a more cowardly man! I would have bolted!but as it were.I am not, gaining much to my ever lasting determination and wit! After what seemed like pure hours of torment, the hippogriffs bowed in return and offered me a ride...how could I refuse...

I mounted the creature, my heart thrumming with excitement as we started to fly over Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Coincidentally the very school in which my brilliant self was trained. Preforming all sorts of wonderfully amusing tricks, such as tumbling and loop-de-loops!As we did so, I took note of a rather disgusting monster in the lake attacking the pure students sitting on the edge of the lake enjoying the spring time air,I ordered the hippogriff down and pulled out my wand before pointing it at the creature and resiting the charm to calm it "planto-magnus-quod-periculosus" much to my dismay the creature was far stronger than any I had ever encountered and the spell failed, sending it into a frenzy, had it not been for the other hippogriffs I fear we may have lost that battle, but thanks to my strong and determined leadership abilities I lead the hippogriffs into a brilliant attack! Winning the day and the hearts of the students of Hogwarts....

**_An Eye-Witness account:(before the memory charm was used of course)_**

There I was feeding my Blast-Ended-Screwts when all of a sudden, this mad blond haired man came running out of the forest, caring a hand full of hippogriff feathers. He sat down on a rock, and seemed to be thinking about things when as I had half expected seeing him running out of there with a handful of feathers, a herd of hippogriffs came flying over head and landed right in front of him! I ran forward and ordered him not to blink or make any sudden movements...and then to bow. He did as instructed and after a few minuets Buck-Beak bowed his acceptance...

However the Blond menace (Always Blonds! Malfoy and then this Moron!) mounted poor Beaky and flew off! Of course poor helpless Beaky had no idea what to do , and flew tumbling and looping trying to get the idiot off his back. Eventually Beaky was that desperate that he headed to the lake and got the Giant Squid that was entertaining the students to try and get him off. But he simply hit the poor Squid with a spell! For a moment there I thought Squidy was dead! but he got back up, happy as ever, but seemed rather annoyed at Beaky for letting Rocks for Brains hurt him and it started to attack Beaky!of course Beakys herd attacked back and eventually came down to land! jumped off looking rather green and peaky and so he is now in my hut, calming down after a few minuets of screaming and tears...

**_An Eye-Witness account : (after the memory charm)_**

Very much like the first account!


	2. Nundus

**Extracts From "African Adventures with Nundu's" by Gilderoy Lockhart**

**Characters: **Gilderoy Lockhart, OC.

Summary: Another Extract from one of Gilderoy Lockharts, books this about a Nundu This particular Extract been about how he saved an African Pricess.

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**Extracts from "African Adventures with Nundu's" By Gilderoy Lockhart**

You know Moody reminds me a lot of a man I once met in Tanzania, where I had single handedly saved a tribal princess from a fierce Nundu or Mngwa,now the Nundu as I'm sure you may know is a gigantic Feline, often said to resemble a leopard if not for its massive size and brindled fur. Basically its a leopard the size of a large donkey.

I was there studying the creatures of Lake Tanganyika, as you can imagine a lake as large as that holds many an amazing creature, magical and otherwise! As I was sitting in a canoe on the lake basking in the awe inspiring scenery of the lake, that almost equaled my own beauty, I heard a scream, on the river bank, I of course stood up and without even thinking, drew my wand, and jump forth fearlessly, paying no heed for my own precious life, only thinking of the screams that came forth from a distance away, and swam as if my very life depended on it, as hers indeed did.

I swam threw hippopotamus and crocodile infested waters, and eventually came upon the bank of the lake Tanganyika. my wand at the ready as I saw with utter horror the largest Nundu I had ever seen in my life! (I being Gilderoy Lockhart have of course seen quite a few! but this one was larger than any I had ever seen!).

The beast was standing over the princess teeth bared, ready to tear her throat out! I did the first thing that came to mind!

Do you know what that was Dear Reader!?

I leapt forth;Wand raised and hit the beast with a rather brutal stunner, but all it seemed to do was avert its attention to myself! I being the great Gilderoy Lockhart, did of course have no problem with this, for at least the princess was safe! and if I had died, It would not have been in vain!

It at first stalked me, Its shoulders running in almost comical circles as it approached me, low to the ground, ears held back against its head, claws as large as my fingers, gripping into the dirt as it stalked forward low to the ground preparing to pounce. It stopped mere feat from me, as I looked on with rapt attention thinking that this was as good a way as any to die.

I raised my wand, firm hand, never shaking once, my brilliant blue eyes heavy on the gaze Of the beast, that stalked me, with such power and rapt attention (Though who could blame the poor animal! I am gorgeous after all) . as it leapt forward I could think of only one spell that might stop the creature, yet not kill it, as I am certain you can imagine Dear Reader, Nundu or Mngwa are rather rare beasts, and killing it would be foolish. Therefore I cast a ring of fire around it so that it was trapped before it even had the smallest chance to leap at my beautiful self and then hit it with the Incarcerous spell effectively binding it.

The people of the tribe were so grateful for my assistance, that they offered me the princesses hand in marriage. Which I naturally declined, and was requested that I could come and go as I wished upon their hard earned land. They of course gave me there blessing and I am forever more welcome upon there land as a god among men.

But as for the man the resembled Moody, he was the fat tribal witch doctor, not much else can be said about the unimportant man.


	3. ferries

_**Extracts from "My Fantastic "fairy" Tale" By Gilderoy Lockhart**_

**Characters:** Gilderoy Lockhart, Lucius Malfoy, OC and Muggle Dressed as Santa

**Summary:**Lockhart accidentally shrinks himself, and becomes a fairy decoration on the Malfoy's Christmas tree

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_**Extracts from "My fantastic "Fairy" Tale." By Gilderoy Lockhart**_

I Gilderoy Lockhart, master of all things great and small, had decided that I would research Fairies as they are fascinating creatures, and thus set out on my mission to do so.

At First all was well. I had decided that my Fairy research should be done during Christmas time as this was the time that Fairy's seemed to bread out of control, and be used to decorate tree's and such. Thus I set out to Research these little winged creatures.

Fairies are incredibly vain. Though Merlin knows why?!They have no place to be, compared to my beauty, I have greater license to be vain, though I am not vain. Fairies,( as I mentioned) like Christmas time and love to be used for ornamental purposes, and with that in mind I set out after a selection of Fairies

On my perusal of the store's selection of fairies, I came to the conclusion that : in order to understand fairies I should be a Fairy. Or at least shrink myself to there size in order to understand them better. And thus I shrunk myself, and entered a flock of fairy's, the store manager as busy as he was did not take note of this and sold me along with my flock to a man with with angelic features and blond hair that might have rivaled my own. Though my hair is a much more pleasant colour.

**(What really happened was that he was poking a fairy with his wand and miss fired a spell shrinking himself, and upon entering the Fairy group was duly sold to non other than Lucius Malfoy, (the store clerk did this deliberately) in order to decorate the massive tree for the great Malfoy annual Christmas Party)**

Upon reaching my new home, with my fellow fairies, I was magically floated as if some decoration and placed rather precariously upon the edge of a branch. The other fairies tittering as tried to balance, upon the thin edge of the branch that was now a precipice of doom to me. I realized that I needed to climb to the very top of the tree in order to research the other fairies **(and get help, though he would never admit it).**

Once all quietened down I started my perilous journey to the top of the Christmas tree. Coming across many strange and colourful fairy's. Bright in colour of there wings, but not at all bright when it came to thought, and could not for the very insignificant life of theirs give me directions to the top of the tree. Many a wonderful fairy flirted with me, though I can not blame them in the least. However that waisted much of my time, as they did not understand much of what I was saying and kept trying to steel my compact mirror so that they may gaze upon their own beauty when mine should have been sufficient enough for them.

EVENTUALLY I reached the top of the Christmas tree. It had taken days, and I had lived on nothing but candy cane, popcorn cold off the string and drinking the dew from the flowers that had been used as decorations for the tree, however I made it to the top. My clothes torn and badly stained** (from fighting with the fairies about who was more beautiful)**.Scratches along my oh so gorgeous face and body **(from sleeping on fir tree bristles)** and otherwise in exceptionally poor form, even having come across a Doxy who had taken a liking to my shoes.

Reaching the top of the tree I stood upon the very tip of the magically levitated star and witnessed before me a Christmas Party in which I was truly glad I was not invited to. Though the people here were dressed in the best and indeed had connections that would have benefited myself, I saw among them many an alleged Death Eater, and the Dark Lord himself among them. I pondered my escape for a long moment, then decided I should enlarge myself and sneak out while Malfoy made a party speech and entertaining the guests with what looked like someone dressed as Santa Clause.

**(In other words, the spell wore off he fell backwards off of the Christmas tree while everyone was not looking at him but the poor muggle dressed as who was being tortured and he snuck out on his hands and knees, and fled for his life)**

In conclusion Fairies are grossly vain creatures, with wings, and human bodies. And enjoy being used for ornamental purposes. And though I truly enjoyed my time with the wonderful creatures, I believe that they are truly happiest left to there own devices and not steeling the only manor in which I can myself.

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End file.
